To the blonde he said “I am the President of the United States. Now how much would it cost me to spend some time with you?” She replied “$200”. To the brunette he asked the same question. Her reply was “$100”. He then asked the redhead. Her reply was “Mr. President, if you can get my skirt up as high as my taxes, my pants as low as my wages, get that thing of yours as hard as the times we are living in, keep it rising like the price of gas, keep me warmer than in my apartment, and screw me the way you have all retirees, then it isn’t going to cost you a damned cent tonight!”What do u call a woman with no legs? Fanny Walker.A frog telephoned the psychic hotline and was told “You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you”. The frog said “That’s great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?” “No” said the psychic “Next term ... in her biology class”.I just got a text from a girl saying “Myspacebarisbrokencouldyougivemeanalternative”. Does anyone. " I see a trail of blood leading out the door. I get up to realize my panties were missing. They weren't on me nor were they on the floor. "Crap, I really liked those panties." My sarcasm was quickly cut off by reality. Oh shit, oh shit, I realized I wasn't dreaming and was drugged, raped, and had attacked someone, someone who really was in my home. The blood led me down my hallway blood smeared on the walls. I was careful to stay clear of the blood trail, I watched a lot of investigation shows, I knew not to touch anything. The blood trail led to my front door, which was locked. Holy fuck, I realized, it's locked, the fucking door is locked. The fucking bastard had a fucking key! I checked and my sliding glass door was still locked as well. I run to my room and grab my phone, I try to dial 9-1-1 but I can't, the phone isn't working, somehow I get someone on the line but they think I'm joking. I sit on my bed freaking out. Should I go to the apartment office and report it? I'm too.
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